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The following are 10 ways to make your home a haven in this shifting world. This is adapted from Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture (Harvest House, 2007):

1. Let kindness reign. Determine to treat your children and spouse with the same sweetness you’d give a stranger you’re trying to impress.

2. Welcome hard questions. It’s okay to question. You did it, didn’t you? Give your children the same leeway. Let them vent. Let them worry. Welcome their wrestling. Don’t give pat answers; instead, let them work through their questions. Love them through a period of questioning.

3. Be there. Give your children the rare gift of your focused attention. Look into their eyes. Ask great questions. Relax alongside them. Dr. Ross Campbell says, “In short, focused attention makes a child feel he is the most important person in the world in his parents’ eyes.”

4. Limit media. Steer your children away from mindless interaction with the TV or video games. Set limits and stick to them. Dare to believe your children are creative, innovative kids who can create instead of idly recreate.

5. Play outside. We’ve lost the importance of outdoor play. Even if it means walking to the park with your kids, or swimming alongside them, or taking a nature hike, dare to move beyond the four walls of your home to venture out to see God’s creation.

6. Weep and rejoice at the right times. We are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). When a child has a difficult day, scoop her into your arms and cry alongside. When she makes a great grade, jump up and down and celebrate with ice cream.

7. Cherish childhood. Our kids grow up so fast in this crazy culture. Keep them kids as long as you can. Let them play, run, stretch, linger. Limit activities when they’re younger so they don’t become little stressed-out adults at age ten.

8. Read together. The most haven-producing thing I do as a mommy is simply read to my kids. I still read to my fourteen-year-old! Discover books on CD as a family, lessening the tedium of car rides without popping in a DVD. My kids have stayed in the car to listen to a story finish.

9. Laugh hard, but not at another’s expense. Joking and laughter are blessings you can add to create a fun-loving haven, but be cautious not to laugh at your kids’ expense or allow them to laugh at your or others’ expense. Watch funny, clean movies together. Tell jokes. Tell funny family stories over and over until they become ridiculous. A lighthearted family that doesn’t take itself too seriously is a haven-home.

10. Practice God’s presence in the mundane. Require chores of your kids. It teaches them important life skills. Even so, introduce joy as you work. Turn on the radio, dance, laugh. By learning to practice the presence of God during the chores of life, you create a productive, gratitude-based home.

Mary DeMuth is an expert in the field of pioneer parenting. She helps Christian parents plow fresh spiritual ground, especially those seeking to break destructive family patterns. Her message guides parents who don’t want to duplicate the home where they were raised or didn’t have positive parenting role models growing up. Mary comes alongside pioneer parents, equipping them to:
•    Create haven-like environments that make kids excited to come home every day.
•    Shield children from unhealthy family members, yet preserve those relationships.
•    Overcome a difficult upbringing to parent in a better way.
•    Experience the reality of God and feel His loving involvement in everyday life.
•    Initiate meaningful conversations with kids, preventing rebellion when they leave the nest.

An accomplished writer, Mary’s parenting books include Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture; Building the Christian Family You Never Had; and Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God. Her real-to-life novels inspire people to turn trials into triumphs: Watching the Tree Limbs (2007 Christy Award finalist, ACFW Book of the Year 2nd Place) and Wishing on Dandelions (2007 Retailers’ Choice Award finalist). Mary is currently working on three novels and an upcoming memoir.

Mary is a frequent speaker at women’s retreats and parenting seminars, addressing audiences in Germany, Austria, Monaco, Italy, France, and the United States. National media regularly seek Mary’s candid ability to connect with their listeners. Her radio appearances include FamilyLife Today, Moody Midday Connection, and U.S.A. Radio network. She also has articles published in Marriage Partnership, In Touch, and HomeLife.

As pioneer parents, Mary and her husband, Patrick, live in Texas with their three children. They recently returned from breaking new spiritual ground in Southern France, where they planted a church.

You can visit her Web site at www.marydemuth.com or www.relevantprose.com, book Mary to speak by calling 214-475-9083, or check out her blog at www.relevantblog.blogspot.com.

What ideas do you have for making your home a haven?

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