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An important part of parenting is modeling behavior for our children. That is, after all, the best way they learn—by example. So when kids enter the picture, it is important to show them how a wife and husband should interact. This means you are still a wife, not just a mother, when kids enter the picture. As Becky Hunter writes in her book Being Good to Your Husband on Purpose, “Raising children will take 30 to 60 percent of your married life. You can’t go AWOL as a wife for all those years.” Here is more from her book:

There are many ways you may be tempted to lose the priority of being a wife during the kids-at-home years. Consider these examples:

Your husband asks you to accompany him on a business trip, but it means making complicated care arrangements for the kids, so you stay home.

He wants the kids in bed at least an hour before your bedtime so the two of you can have time together, but it means getting more organized and remaining committed to a schedule. The children want to stay up, so they promise to “be good” and “not bother you and daddy.” You think, “What can that hurt?” So, they stay up, but “good” or not, “bother” or not, they make a big difference in your time together. …

There must be a million scenarios that deal with these dilemmas. One of the best things you can do as a wife (and as a mother) is to decide, in advance, that these situations will no longer be dilemmas. Decide to seize the opportunities to include yourself in your husband’s activities. When your child sees you honor, respect, and prioritize your relationship with his father, that child is greatly benefited. So think creatively and meet these challenges with a sense of adventure. Make choices that work well for your husband, your child, and you. Try thinking “both/and” instead of “either/or” when you face such a predicament.

More and Better Times May Be Just Around a Bend
Child-rearing can be done just about anywhere. That is an important concept to grasp. Try to think of ways you can adjust your life to make more time together with your husband a reality, even while you care for your children.

Over the years, I snatched back literally thousands of hours with Joel [my husband] that could have been lost, because I packed the kids into the car and rode along. In that automobile, while Joel visited congregation members in the hospital or at home, [our sons] and I played games, read stories, drew pictures for grandparents and missionaries, took naps, ate snacks, etc. The boys and I loved the time together.

Even routines can be interesting when you change the scenery. If designating 8:00 P.M. as family time in the dining room works perfectly in your home, that’s great. However, if that’s not working out, then adjusting to be accommodating makes much more sense than having no time together.

Choose to build an environment that allows your home to be an encouraging and peaceful place for your husband, child, and for you. This is not some unattainable dream—you can do this! When you love your husband and discipline yourself to model the life you hope your child will someday choose, it creates a wonderful situation for parenting. These circumstances offer a smooth foundation for the progress of your child’s spiritual, educational, and physical development.

Becky Hunter is the wife of Dr. Joel C. Hunter, senior pastor of Northland, A Church Distributed, in Longwood, Florida. They have three adult sons as well as grandchildren. She is also the author of Being Good to Your Husband on Purpose (Creation House Press, 2001).

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