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| A Place At the Table: Michael W. Smith Musician / Family Man by Ken Jones
Q: You’ve been in the music business for more than two decades. What has it been like to live so long in the public eye and still remain grounded — especially in your relationship with your wife and children? A: There are always going to be struggles to stay humble; you have to always keep your guard up. I owe so much to my relationship with Deb and with Pastor Finto and with the people that I surround myself with. I’m blessed with a good team. If I get a big head and I get a little pride going, I’ve got people who will come up and say, "How dare you take credit for that — that was not about you." That is the real key. Q: You’ve always talked about how your family is important to you. Tell me about how they’ve shaped who you are. A: I have the greatest mom and dad in the world. Other than my relationship with God, my family is the most important thing in my life. I’d die for my kids. I’d die for my wife. They are the joy of my life. I love being a dad more than anything in the world. I love hanging with my kids. They all think I’m crazy. I’m actually just a kid. Even this morning we were driving to school with my 9-, 11- and 13-year-olds and we were all having the biggest time. We were cutting up, and if anyone would have heard that conversation they would have thought we were crazy. We love just being crazy together. Q: You have five children — how do you manage to give them all equal time? A: I think part of it is my personality. It’s the part of me that’s learned to enjoy life and not become consumed with my job. There are a lot of dads who are so career-oriented. They strive and strive to stay on top, and they work 12 hours a day. You can’t do that and have a good family life. When I work, I work hard and I get creative. But I keep my schedule flexible. I’m at home a lot, just hanging with my kids. Parenting is about making priorities. With the girls — they go on dates with Dad. My 18-year-old son works in my office, and that allows us time to talk about music and whatever. You get interested in what your kids are interested in. My 11-year-old just discovered sushi. I’m a big sushi eater — I love sushi. And she also loves crunchy shrimp. So on our lunch date the other day she and I went to get crunchy shrimp. Then we went to get her some earrings, and she thought she’d died and gone to heaven. It doesn’t take anything extravagant to have a great time with your kids. It’s just having fun and finding something in common. [This is kind of dated, since the children he is talking about would be about 5 years older now.] Q: Has your parenting philosophy changed much from your first to your fifth child? A: I’ve learned a lot. Obviously, there are some things that you thought worked and they don’t work. As your kids get older you discover a lot of things. When we had a 19-month-old I thought I couldn’t be any happier. Then children get older and the dynamics change. You never know what’s going to happen with your children in terms of what kinds of struggles are they going to have, the physical stuff that they are going to deal with, the emotional issues … you never know. My oldest son, Ryan, went through a tough time with some stuff like this and it really stretched our faith. But you roll with the punches, you trust God, you stay in prayer as much as you can. At the end of the day you can’t sit around stressed out and tense all the time. You have to get to a place where you rest in the Lord and say, "God, You’re in control. Give me wisdom to make the right decisions for my kids." Then you live life to the fullest. Q: You’ve talked a lot about the struggles you went through as a teen. How has that affected the way you approach parenting? A: If I’ve done the right thing it’s because I’ve chosen to really communicate with my kids about everything — drugs, sex … you name it. I’ve chosen to talk about those things, and I haven’t been afraid to tell them what I went through. When I was growing up, you just didn’t sit around and have sex talks. It was just a more reserved kind of thing. We live in a different day and age, and parents need to talk about all of the issues their kids will face. I’ve told Ryan, "I’ve been down that road and it leads to nothing but heartache. It’s a dead-end street. Trust me on this one." He has a real heart for God and he has great friends. What more could a dad ask for? The dynamics, however, would probably be a lot different if he were out hanging with the wrong crowd, getting in trouble. I’d probably have to jump in there and have major heart-to-heart talks. So far, the Lord has been gracious and given him some great people to hang with. Q: What is the biggest parenting pitfall you’ve had to overcome? A: I could have done a little better job in getting the kids to be more responsible. They’ve got it pretty easy when it comes to helping their mom around the house with simple stuff like the dishes and getting stuff cleaned up. My brother-in-law has seven kids and they homeschool. My nieces and nephews are the most disciplined kids you will meet. Everything is "Yes, Ma’am. No, Sir." I think I could have done more of that with our kids, because sometimes I think Deb is struggling to get people to help around the house. I know that sounds really trite, but I do think that discipline is important in life. Life is not always easy. Life can be tough. You have to learn to take some responsibility and do some of the little things. Q: Your son Ryan has played in your band. What’s the best advice you can give on nurturing your children’s gifts and talents? A: Encourage your kids. It bugs me when I go places like the YMCA and see parents berating their children. One particular time there was a karate competition and this dad was just railing on his kid for coming in fifth with comments like, "Why weren’t you paying any attention?" It was very negative. Everything about that situation reinforced the need to do the opposite. We need to lift our kids up. I believe I’m where I am today because my mom and dad did nothing but speak life into me. You have to do that with your kids. Yes, they are going to make mistakes and they are going to have to face the consequences. But we need to be building our kids up with the positive. They need to hear, "You are a man/woman of God! You can do it! God has given you a gift. You’re awesome!" I tell my kids all the time, "You guys are awesome. I love you guys. You have so much potential." Kids need that. Q: If your children could only take one word of advice from you into adulthood, what would you want that to be? A: Our only hope is in the Lord. At the end of the day, even with all the decisions you have to make, He is the only One who will bring you peace. If you remember that, it will affect everything else in your life. Q: What do you see as the biggest challenge facing parents today in raising healthy children? A: I think the biggest challenge for parents is being aware of the kind of community their kids are involved in as far as who their friends are and who they are hanging out with. We’ve had some really tough things going on in our schools — kids hanging out with the wrong kids. It’s a challenge to create an environment in which you feel your kids are safe but at the same time they remain in a position to positively impact their culture. Q: What final thought would you like to leave with fathers? A: As parents, we’ve got to know how to love on our kids. Before we can do that, we’ve got to be transformed ourselves. We’ve got to be completely in love and abandoned to God big time. When you get a mom and dad who are totally clued in with their spiritual lives, that will spill over into their kids. You can preach to your kids all day long, but they are going to watch what you do. That’s where they are going to learn about life. Everyone’s situation is different. I’m extremely blessed because my father was just so amazing and an incredible example for me. Yes, he made mistakes, but he was just such an incredible example. There are a lot of dads who have never had that example. There’s a place where you just have to go and say, "God, You can be these kids’ Father." And you’ve got to pray for these dads that they will learn to love their kids. | Top | Share Your Thoughts... Be the first to comment on this article! |
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During his 20-plus years of ministry, Michael W. Smith has become one of the most influential artists in the Christian music industry, recording 15 albums that have yielded 33 Dove Awards, numerous Grammy nominations, two Grammy Awards and an American Music Award. His albums have sold more than 7 million copies, reaching platinum and gold status. Amber Weigand-Buckley, editor of On Course magazine, talked with Michael about how God is shaping his family and his life.
