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| What to Wear A Lesson in Compromise by Shelby Rawson She is three years, seven months and nineteen days old. Her hair fluffs about her head in golden brown ringlets. Enchanting blue eyes with thick, curled eyelashes speak for her in the few moments she is silent. As a baby, you probably would have noticed her perfectly shaped pink lips. She is my daughter – and boy is she opinionated! Maybe I should have been prepared for it. After all, her first word came out around nine months of age. In those days, I could pretty much dress her in whatever I wanted. It was this mommy’s dream. Head to toe, she was coordinated. Hats down to shoes, she matched. My little fashionista was she. Okay, so perhaps I was playing dress-up with my own live dolly. (As a child, I always did enjoy dressing my Barbies and doing their hair more than playing with them.) I used my fashion creativity to mix and match garage sale finds with Old Navy sale items or hand-me-downs. Those were the days. And then, well, I don’t really know when it happened. She wanted to pick out her own clothes. At first, it was so adorable, all that independence she was expressing. I was very proud. But not on Sundays. Sunday meant church. It meant Mommy wanted her to be cute – and match. Effort had already been exerted to find a nice outfit. Top, skirt, socks, shoes … they were all set to go. “I don’t want to wear this top. There’s nothing on it. I want to wear a top with something on it.” Deep breath. I could feel the battle about to ensue. “You don’t have a top with something on it that matches this skirt,” I tell her. “No! I’m not wearing it!” she yells and grits her teeth. Daddy enters. “What’s going on?” I explain the situation. “Well, why does she have to wear that outfit?” he asks with sincerity. “Because it’s the outfit I picked out for her to wear, and I’d like her to obey.” She didn’t wear the outfit. We compromised. However, the shoes were not on her feet yet. Oy … “I don’t want to wear those shoes. Can you give me choices?” she pleads. “Honey, these shoes match your outfit; please wear them,” I say, still clinging to the shoes. “Can you please give me choices?” I dig through the shoe basket and find a couple of somewhat acceptable choices. “How about these?” “Umm … those ones.” Great. What a stunning combo she’s put together. I’ll just make sure everyone knows she picked it out. I made it through church service and class without being mortified. Whew! Actually, no one seemed to notice her mismatched appearance. Later, I talked about it with friends. I wasn’t super thrilled with their input. “Let it go now, Shelby. You’re asking for a battle. All kids want to be able to express themselves, and that is a pretty harmless way.” “I know. She can do it at home. I just don’t want her to do it at church … or when we go out to places,” I respond. “That’s about you,” she says. What? No, it’s not. It’s about obedience. I want her to obey me when I tell her to get dressed. I am the mom.But her words stuck with me. Was it really about me? Was I more concerned with how I made my daughter look and what others would think? Hmm … That’s kind of an ugly thought. Nevertheless, when looking at my own life and my own tendency to compare myself to other women, I had to fess up. My friend was right. I want my daughter to look cute for my own purposes. My little girl wants to wear the things that make her feel pretty – not what I think makes her presentable to others. So, I’m letting it go. One day she’ll grasp the concept of matching and knowing that you don’t wear turtlenecks with shorts. I mean, it’s not like they have “What Not to Wear: The Toddler Years”! Shelby Rawson is co-author of Daddy, Do You Love Me? A Daughter’s Journey of Faith and Restoration and a proud mother – even when her 3-year-old's clothes don't match. In what ways has it helped you to compromise with your strong-willed preschooler? | Top | Share Your Thoughts... Be the first to comment on this article! |
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