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| Would You Pass the Parent Test? by Jerry Eisen How many of the following tests would you pass?
2) Toy test: Obtain a 44-gallon barrel of Lego’s (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold and try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night. 3) Grocery store test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. 4) Dressing test: Obtain one large, unhappy live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside. 5) Feeding test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. 5) Night test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-10 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3 pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9 pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10 pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4 am. Set alarm for 5 am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful. 6) Ingenuity test: Find an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle using only Scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, using a milk carton, ping-pong balls, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs, make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. 7) Automobile test: Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Mash a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There…perfect. 8) Physical test for women: Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for nine months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while. 9) Physical test for men: Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. Final assignment: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. | Top | Share Your Thoughts... Be the first to comment on this article! |
Parenting Helps:
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1) Mess test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
